Killinglights239's Journals

Sleep Ideas

I wrote a series of "quickwrites" for a physiology project about sleep, and I wanted to share them with everyone on Buzznet. Among the quickwrites I did a line-by-line breakdown of MCR's "Sleep," but it was a pain to format and I can't do it here.

Waking Up
A subject that I briefly talked about on November fourth was that I wake up when my alarm clock tells me to. Last year I discovered why I jump out of bed in the mornings when I have to wake up before five to go on a trip. Itâ�™s because my brain hasnâ�™t processed that Iâ�™m still tired. Or maybe I think I'm dreaming, but the instant my alarm clock goes off I get right out of bed. If I linger or look at my clock again I realize that Iâ�™m sleepy and another five minutes wouldnâ�™t kill meâ�¦until that five turns into a half hour and I donâ�™t have enough time to straighten my hair. As long as I get moving and keep trucking along until Iâ�™m awake and my eyeâ�™s have adjusted (curse our school system that forces me to wake up when itâ�™s still dark outside) I resist going back to bed where itâ�™s warm and soft, and I donâ�™t have to go anywhere jus yetâ�¦it seems silly that we canâ�™t stay in bed until ten every day. Then the morning people can do what they do best and us normal people get all the sleep we need. Because hitting the snooze button for an extra half hour in the morning just doesnâ�™t cut it, I personally need an hour to get ready. Makeup, hair, breakfast, webcomics, I need it all in the morning.

Childhood Dreams
Some of my childhood dreams still stay in my memory today. Even now, the nightmares of my childhood are more memorable than the ones that wake me up even now.
One of the earliest of my childhood nightmares is what I call the â�œBarney Dream.â� The dream was about me, about three or four years old, being chased by a miniature Barney the Dinosaur. The creepy thing chased me through a board meeting at some school and had me cornered in a tree house, snapping and squeaking at me from the ground. What I remember most was the color of Satan-Barney, the purple was so vibrant it was like a radioactive doll.
Then there was the Aladdin Dream. The dream was of Aladdin taking me on a carpet ride over some forest and then us flying through a burning house under construction. The house was just plywood and two by four, but I would scream at Aladdin to take me out of the house but we just flew up the stairs and through the flames. The dream wasnâ�™t triggered by the movie Aladdin, but probably me going through a house in our neighborhood under construction. It scared me for just the one night I had it, but Iâ�™ve never forgotten what it was like to fly up the stairs and pass the flaming plywood shell of the house.
The last nightmare of my childhood was terrifying, and I slept in my momâ�™s bed for three nights after it, but that dream let me cope with nightmares. Outside of my window I can get to the roof, then hop down to our shed, and the last part to the ground in climbing down our fence. In the dream Iâ�™m getting off the roof in the night like Iâ�™ve gotten out of bed to go on an adventure. Iâ�™m walking on the fence, balancing and looking into our neighbors yard. Then I look into the shadows and see a pair of glowing red eyes and snarling in the shadow of our neighborâ�™s garage. I woke up. I somehow identified the eyes as belonging to a large, black dog. I ran to my momâ�™s room and refused to go back to my own bed for a few nights. But when I had to go back to my own room, I thought about the dog. The red eyes belonged to a female dog, I decided. A large black guard dog. And she protected me in my dreams. I gave her a name (that Iâ�™m sad to say Iâ�™ve forgotten over time, was it Sarah?) and talked to her every night before I fell asleep. I talked to her like she controlled my dreams, and I asked her for pleasant dreams and would request from time to time a falling dream.

The Afternoon Crash
If I take a nap in the afternoon, itâ�™s no short affair. During the summer when itâ�™s ninety in my room or in the winter when itâ�™s sixty, if I fall asleep in the afternoon Iâ�™m out. At four or five, I fall asleep and I wonâ�™t wake up until my mom or brother (though I pretend that I canâ�™t hear the brother) tell me to come down for dinner. Then Iâ�™m unpleasant and tired, telling everyone how wonderful it was to be asleep and how much I would love to just go back to bed. â�œDinner will wake you up,â� my mom says. â�œShe needs her sleep, itâ�™s tech week you know, oh never mind, Iâ�™m the one staying till ten every night, not her,â� the brother says unhelpfully. I grumble and blink through the meal which does wake me up, and though I really wanted to just go back to sleep, I had to be taken from my favorite place to be with my family.

A Key To Jeanneâ�™s Unpleasantness
During the summer, I go to Hawaii time. Bedtime is anytime after two am, and I wake up sometime around eleven, before it becomes an oven in my room. Sadly, I know a few â�œmorning peopleâ� who think that I am awake by nine. My mother, happy to torment me, hands me the phone saying itâ�™s one of my friends. First thing I say is some incomprehensible grumble. I donâ�™t ask who it is or why theyâ�™ve called, but I give them a piece of my mind and shake my finger at them for calling before ten (literally, because Iâ�™m so dead that it doesnâ�™t occur to me that they canâ�™t see me over the phone).

Music to Nap To
My brother listens to Cat Stevens, ZoÃ« Keating, or Simon and Garfunkel to help him sleep. My dad used to listen to the sounds of a beach. People listen to classical, ambient tapes, and soothing sounds to help them sleep. I listen to heavy metal. Iâ�™m the black sheep in my family when it comes to music, but it still confuses me how I find it easier to fall asleep to Drowning Pool than cello.
This strange musical choice occurred to me one summer afternoon. Maybe it was the heat, or maybe it was just that I was tired, but during the loudest song on my computer, Step Up by Drowning Pool, I lay back and fell asleep. I always remember which song I fall asleep to because itâ�™s the song Iâ�™ll sing when I wake up. And that fateful afternoon I woke up to the Once soundtrack. It was a soft, melodic song that sounded very much like a lullaby, but when I opened my eyes and tapped the keyboard I realized that loud music put me to sleep, and soft music woke me up. Maybe it was just coincidence that day, but ever since when I want to take a nap I turn the volume up and play Step Up, and Iâ�™m out the moment my head hits the pillow.

Headfirst for Halos~Lyrics

just another post that isn't needed, but this is what my mind is saying right now.

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE LYRICS

"Headfirst For Halos"

Yeah!

Well let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling
And now the red ones make me fly
And the blue ones help me fall
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts

[Chorus]
And we'll fly home
We'll fly home
You and I
We'll fly home

Come on!

Well now I'm back in the middle of the day that starts it all.
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling.
And now these red ones make me fly,
And the blue ones help me fall.
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling.

[Chorus]
And we'll fly home,
You and I,
We'll fly home.

Now honestly that's what I said to her, what I said to her

Think happy thoughts [x8]
Think ha... wooo!

Gay Straight Alliance

First and foremost, I hate words (like alliance) that are hard to spell.

Today I attended our school's first Gay Straight Alliance meeting. I knew about four of the twelve people there. They're all really nice people. The moment I was there I was one of their friends.

We shared coming out stories for most of the time. One of the stories from a girl was she came out to her history class. The assaignment was to present five things that meant something to [the students]. Her last item was a rainbow necklace, and showed it, "this is my first rainbow necklace, and it's special because I'm lesbian!" The class was silent. After a few awkward seconds the loudmouth of the class shouted "you're joking, right?"

It also has occured to me that GSA could also stand for Girl Scouts of America.

Slightly Pathetic

I was just reading some of my friend's latest journals, both about sadness and despair.
I don't know if what they wrote about was really happening in thier lives, but I do know one thing: what they wrote could have been beautiful if they didn't use abbreviations.

I'm a big grammar geek. If you're a friend of mine on Myspace then you know, if you ever read my bulletins. I admit that sometimes I use the term 'lol' and write 'i' in lower case when I'm typing fast, but when it comes to bulletins and journals, I write like I'm turning a paper in. That's just what I do. I use grammar rules that I am aware of, and I personally feel that my fan-fiction is better that way*.

Back to these two girls.
I won't quote them, but I'll give examples of what they wrote that makes me smack my head with a literature textbook.
i hope u can help me cause i rily need it my life sucks bcause i wont be here 2morrow and i cant help but think that u r my only hope noting in life is gud anymore...
That's just too hard for me to write, but you get the picture.

The errors:

"u" and "r" are letters, not words.
No use of punctuation. Both the journals were a good paragraph long, but no periods or exclamation points were used.
Dropping vowels and butchering words to make them shorter.
Adding in numbers for letters or words

Other little pet pieves of mine:

TyPinG lIkE THiS
Or Like This For The Entire Phrase
Overall crappyness.
First-grade spelling**.
OH EMM GEE***
People who say "JK" or "LOL" out loud.
Adding "Z"'s to the end of every word, or putting in the place of an "S."
"gud"

There are many more, but I don't remember them all right now.

*I have trouble reading fan fiction that is all one paragraph, no quotation marks are used, or if it's all dialouge and no narration.
**Note that I said first grade spelling and not spelling errors. I can't spell things correctly, so hard words (even "their") mispelled don't bother me as long as the word is recognizeable.
***I've actually seen someone type OMG like that. That's worse than "OMG."

By now you think I'm a nagging bitch. I'm not, honestly. If I was I would add tags to all my friends who I thought of when I wrote this, including their errors.
Feel free to flame.

Latest Stuff

An update of the music that I got today and my wish list.

Just today, I opened up my music library to the wonderful bands Funeral for a Friend, Saosin, Taking Back Sunday, and Kill Hannah.
I broadened my library of Aiden and Circa Survive.

With twenty five dollars on iTunes, I got the entire album Hours (Funeral for a Friend), the enitre album Saosin (Saosin), the Lips Like Morphine-EP (Kill Hannah), and the song The Suffering (Aiden). I still have two dollars left, and I don't know what songs to buy with it.
I purchased Louder Now (Taking Back Sunday) and On Letting Go (Circa Survive)Â at the local Target store. I wish that they had the Aiden album Our Gang's Dark Oath, so for now I'm wishing that my iTunes account will magically have ten more dollars in it.

Wish list: Our Gang's Dark Oath (Aiden) and Downtown Battle Mountain (Dance Gavin Dance)

Music Now

Music Now
The following reviews are opinions that I have for thier music, songs, lyrics, looks, and personalities of my favorite bands.
Sorry about any typos, I do try to edit my reviews.

When it comes to lyrics and music, I don't care much for lyrics. They can make or break a song, but I won't go listening to a song over and over again to interpret them. It may be my opinion about lyircs of a song that allows me to like foreign bands so much, because it doesn't kill me that I don't understand what Bill (Tokio Hotel) is saying.

Right now my top three are HIM, AFI, and My Chemical Romance, in that order. It changes a lot between AFI and HIM, but for the most part AFI is better just by the lyrics.

AFI
Best band ever. I'll have an entire AFI review later.

HIM
The love metal band HIM made it into my top three for thier beat and special lyrics. Janet tells me (no, I haven't looked them up myself) that many of thier songs are somewhat violent, involve rape, and death is also involved. The chorus of one of my favorite songs, Wings of a Butterfly, has the line, "Rip off the wings of a butterfly for your soul." Not very nice.
HIM isn't my number one for that reason. The lead singer, Ville Valo, is like his lyrics imply, not like Davey Havok. In every interview I've seen of him, he's smoking and has a beer in his hand and often tells a story of one time when he was wasted. He's not that hot, either.
At school the day after I purchased the album Razorblade Romance I was listening to the songs on my iPod with Janet. At the song 'I Love You' Janet asked for the name of the song. I didn't know the songs well enough yet, so I read the words off the screen. "I...love...you?" I said. Janet gave me the look of a parinoid person, and I had to show her the screen to reassure her that I Love You was indeed the name of the song.
Favorite songs by HIM are: Wings Of A Butterfly, Right Here In My Arms, Your Sweet Six Six Six, I Love You, Poison Girl, It's All Tears (Drown In This Love), and Beyond Redemption.

Cute Is What We Aim For
I came to liking this band by complete accident. I had forty dollars in iTunes cash, and even though I had never heard a single one of thier songs all the way through, I bought thier album, The Same Old Blood Rush With A New Touch. After attempting to listen to all of the songs in the album, I decided that it was a waste of my money.
But after listening to Fourth Drink Instinct ten times, it grew on me. Then I grew to liking Newport Living, Moan, and Curse of Curves. Cute Is What We Aim For is definitely growing on me.
Only five I'll listen to are: Moan, Curse Of Curves, Fourth Drink Instinct, Newport Living, and There's A Class For This.

Tokio Hotel
And I've finally classified Tokio Hotel in my grand shceme of liking bands. Thier music is average, only a few of thier songs make it up to HIM/MCR standards. I like Tokio Hotel because it's a band of teenage German boys. Personally, I don't think that Tokio Hotel would be as popular as it is now if thier looks were as average as thier music.
To read how I came to knowing about Tokio Hotel and how I got thier CD's, read my journal Tokio Hotel Obsession.
But that's no reason not to listen to thier music, I'll sugest Schrei, Der Letze Tag, Ich Bin Nich Ich (Buy Me A Bitch, as I call it), Ubers Ende Der Welt, Spring Nicht, and Rette Mich.

My Chemical Romance
Thanks to Janet and Grace, I now consider myself a My Chemical Romance fan. The first song I heard of them was a live performance of Welcome To The Black Parade in August, but I didn't think much of it, and didn't get it on iTunes. It wasn't until sometime in winter that Janet showed me the videos of Helena and I'm Not Okay on Youtube. I liked I'm Not Okay so much that I got it on iTunes and added Helena and The Ghost Of You. A few days after I bought songs from Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, I purchased Dead! and Famous Last Words.
In May, in my massive iTunes spree with forty bucks I asked Janet (who had recently become a major MCR addict) for her top ten songs. I (stupidly) picked nine of the ten and bought them before listening to a single one.
Long story short(er), must-listens from My Chemical Romance are You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison, To The End, Helena, I'm Not Okay, Dead, Cancer, and House Of Wolves.

The Academy Is...
Like how most obsession with bands begin, I saw William Beckett in the video of Snakes On A Plane (Bring It) and thought he was the hottest sorta-looks-like-a-girl I had ever seen (this was obviously before I'd seen a picture of Bill). Apart from checking out Cobra Starship I also checked out The Academy Is. After seeing the videos of The Phrase That Pays and Checkmarks I got five songs on iTunes from thier album, Almost Here.
I awaited the release of Santi (thier second full length album) after watching and loving the video for We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands.
These songs make me all warm inside: The Phrase That Pays, We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands, LAX To O'Hare, Everything We Had, Neighbors, and Chop Chop.

Fall Out Boy
I've liked selected songs from Fall Out Boy for a while, but due to Jessica Gasperini's large dislike for the band (she now likes them), I only listened to those songs. When I became a fan of The Academy Is, I found myself watching the videos for Fall Out Boy's This Ain't A Scene, It's A Goddamn Arms Race and Thanks For The Memories over and over again.
On the friday that spring break began, I was upset about my two Tokio Hotel CD's not arriving before I went to Hawaii so in Target along with The Academy Is's new album Santi I pulled Infinity On High off the shelf and bought it.
Top songs: Golden, Thanks For The Memories, Dance Dance, Fame < Imfamy, The Carpal Tunnel Of Love, and most of thier songs with titles over six words long.

Panic! At The Disco
For the most part I listened to songs as the videos for them came out when it comes to Panic! At The Disco, but I would probably have been better off if I just got the entire album on iTunes when I first saw I Write Sins Not Tragedies instead of buying one song at a time as I like (that's the same thing with AFI's Sing The Sorrow, why didn't I just get the whole album?). The content of the songs are PG13, so I can only play so few songs with my mom nearby.
It was Daniel Isaac in I Write Sins Not Tragedies that got me hooked. I was sad when I learned that he wasn't in the band, but forgot about it in an instant when I saw a picture of the guitarist for Panic! At The Disco, Ryan Ross. My crushed on the band members have hopped from Ryan to Spencer Smith (drums), but never once have I thought that Brendon Urie was hot. That's just my opinion, he's good looking and all, but I don't find him hot.
Must haves are I Write Sins Not Tragedies, Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off, Camisado, and Build God, Then We'll Talk.

Misc Bands
These bands are my little affairs, each has great music but I only have enough money (and an attention span) to listen to the following songs.
Metallica: Master Of Puppets, Enter Sandman, Frantic, and The Unforgiven
Aiden: The City Is Far From Here, We Sleep Forever, See You In Hell, and Die Romantic
Drowning Pool: Step Up and Bodies
Forgive Durden: Ants and For A Dreamer, Nights The Only Time of Day
Head Automatica: Beating Heart Baby
Sum 41: The Hell Song
SR-71: Right Now
The Used: The Taste Of Ink, Poetic Tragedy, and Greener With The Scenery
Yellowcard: Lights And Sounds and Ocean Avenue
The Fall Of Troy: F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X. amd Act One, Scene One
Drop Dead, Gorgeous: Love Is Murder, Knife vs. Face: Round One, and Daniel, Where's The Boat
Hit The Lights: Save Your Breath
Valencia: The Space Between
Circa Survive: Act Appaled
30 Seconds To Mars: Oblivion, The Kill, and Attack

Tokio Hotel CD's

They came in the mail on Wednesday, but I only came back from Hawaii today.

I love them so much :D

New Interest: Tokio Hotel

So at about ten pm last Friday night I was looking at the Panic! page, and some freako posted a picture of what looked like an insane chick who was definitely not in Panic! At The Disco. I looked at it anyway, just because I was curious, and I didn't care much for a band who couldn't spell Tokyo right. On one of the comments, someone wrote something along the lines of...I hate Tokio Hotel. I think it's just gross the picture of Tom with his hand down his twin brother's pants...

I was very interested.

I looked at thier page, and in an instant I made the connection that Bill=Hot. And when I say hot, I mean Jade Puget/Ryan Ross/William Beckett hot. Also, the bass player looked like my lit teacher. Anywho, I listened to thier song, Schrei.

Fifteen minutes after I first heard about them, I was in love with Tokio Hotel.

Now, it's Monday night. I looked on iTunes for thier two albums, but they only had them on iTunes Store Europe, where you needed to live in Germany to buy the songs. I also looked at borders.com, bn.com, and Amazon. They had the two albums on Amazon but they were over thirty dollars each. I'm broke, and there's no way in hell that they would spend seventy dollars on two CD's.

So my mom came up with the idea that I get my friend in Paris to buy them, and somehow send them to me. I still don't know if she will, but now I'm at the point where I will do anything to get Schrei or Zimmer 483.

Jeanne